for some reason i’ve decided it’s self help day. it will make more sense later, keep reading.
it’s thursday, roughly 8AM as i type this. Lulu is napping in her bed but wiggling around so i’m in that ‘panic, type fast!’ mode. there is a good chance i’ll be pausing a lot and this post will take the whole day to actually write. that’s totally OK! any post is progress, that’s my new attitude. i’ve abandoned perfection and just moving forward and writing what i can, when i can. seize the moment. seize the blog moment. cora inspired this in me, i read on one of her posts something about doing the work. i love to write but was afraid to blog since that felt like i needed it to be perfect. but i’m not worrying about that anymore. i’m just going to write.
i’ve been up since 3:30AM and somehow feel ok. maybe it’s because i had my lemon water, did my oil pulling, showered, and have my coffee. oh yeah, and i got in a quick run with my friend who is always up at 4AM, crazy like me.friends are good to have. crazy ones are even better.
i know, i’m sort of amazing sometimes. i didn’t plan for this, it sort of just happened. whenever the stars align themselves in my favor, i take what i can. the rest of the day is anyone’s guess.
life is about mastering improv and going with the flow…
for example, one of my outings that was planned for today has already changed. i had a therapist appointment scheduled, and she called to cancel due to having a bad shingles outbreak and not wanting to have my sweet baby near her. thank you for that. i love my therapist, she is like family. not that i see her all the time, but the handful of times i’ve seen her over the last 2 years she has felt like family. she’s met our baby, she’s met my hubby, she’s like a godmother. she even calls to check up on me. she even knows my mom! which is how i found her. everyone needs someone like her, it’s worth paying for it to keep it professional. i know that’s what friends are for, but sometimes you need someone that is a pro, and not a friend. ya know? i’m all for therapy and self-help. nobody is without issues and we all need some TLC for our mental health. it keeps me sane, literally. haha ok i’m amusing myself. i’m sort of running on fumes and coffee, and rice milk.
back to my talk about self-help, i’m a huge fan of it. i have always had major anxiety. i was a very anxious kid. doesn’t matter why or how, that’s just how i grew to be. i run on anxiety and adrenaline and zen thoughts. i’m a like a hyper active buddha, at least in my own mind. i’m very zen but also very anxious. i don’t care that i’m conflicted, it’s just me. i stopped fighting my self and it is much nicer now inside 🙂
anyhow, i used to try to fix my anxiety but it wasn’t till i accepted myself that i actually got less anxious. it’s OK to be anxious, it won’t kill you. however if you worry about it than it just makes it worse. at least that is the case for me. the way i manage my anxiety is by doing things to release that pent up energy: taking care of my SELF, having some me time even if it’s a shower, working out, write, clean, invert myself, take deep breathes, take the dogs for a walk (less possible with a baby.)
life with a new baby has made me realize even more so how it’s important to take care of my self. i was raised by a woman that always made taking time for herself a priority, and i appreciate that now more than ever. women have enough guilt to deal with, we don’t need EXTRA mom guilt. it’s hard enough. i felt guilty for stuff at first, but now realize how much better i feel if i take time for myself, ask for help, do something -anthing!- for myself – it makes me a better mother and a much better wife. i don’t do well when i haven’t showered, and the last thing i need is a mental breakdown. much better off if i get in a shower and decompress when shit hits the fan – almost literally, Lulu has quite the powerful anus!
so that’s my rant for today. it’s not just self-help day, it should be self-help every day. but i’m highlighting it today.
because the better i love myself, the better i can give love. and don’t we all want to give the best love?
what do you do to take care of yourself?
ever have mom guilt? oh it’s the worst!