what was it like being pregnant for me?
after hearing all the horror stories and being a woman over 35, i was a little anxious. but at the same time, i felt determined. determined to have an awesome experience if possible. i watched my mother during her pregnancy when i was 17 years old, and she made it look easy. thank goodness for her because that left a strong impression in my mind. and it really made my pregnancy that much better.
since i haven’t really shared much about what i experienced overall while i was pregnant, here it goes. in bullet points because that’s how i roll.
1st trimester: october, november, december
- total shit. and i know my shit was nothing compared to the horror stories i’ve heard. i pretty much had it easy compared to many, but my experience is still my own.
- i thought my hormones were out of whack. had panic attack.
- i was tired, and i hated not having energy.
- i felt nauseas and i hate feeling sick. i tossed my cookies only twice but still, that was enough to get to me mentally.
- i was working full time and completely exhausted and emotional. really emotional.
- i also got diagnosed with thyroid cancer, so that sucked.
- by the end of my first trimester i was feeling great again. it practically happened overnight. something inside me clicked and i realized shit, i may die from cancer so i better live each day to the fullest. i was being dramatic but still, i felt reborn.
2nd trimester: january, february, march
- i really got my groove back
- i got that magical pregnancy energy
- i had started exercising regularly again
- got certified to teach indoor cycling
- started teaching
- quit my full time job
- started working from home
- felt energized and happy
- house hunted for the move in may
- traveled to san francisco on baby moon #1
3rd trimester: april, may, june
- still had amazing energy
- monitored thyroid cancer, still same size tumor
- took baby moon #2 to spain
- packed up and moved
- settled into new home
- continued running and spinning regularly
- continued teaching spin class till june 14th
- had many date nights
- had many girls’ dinners
- hosted many game nights
- visit from brother
- went into false labor june 20
- went into another false labor june 23
- went into real labor june 25
- labored for 30 + hours
- c-section at 2:29am, baby born at 2:33am on june 27
honestly, i miss being pregnant. what??? yes, i do. life was certainly different, simpler. and my sweet baby was just all cozy and with me all the time. i felt amazing having her with me and taking her on our adventures. safe inside my belly.
now that she’s ‘out’ i had initial feelings of panic because i didn’t want to leave her side or put her down. this soon passed, but the waves of emotion was intense.
my pregnancy was a blissful and an amazing experience; my labor was tough and had me literally wondering if i was going to make it; the c section was so easy that i wished i had just done it to begin with.
i hired a doula after deciding i wanted to try natural birth, but because of my severe scoliosis and full spinal fusion, my OB said that she didn’t recommend i attempt natural birth at all, and if i was that i should get a doula. so i did, and we tried. i worked with her for months before the labor to make sure i had a healthy, natural delivery. i worked all the exercises daily. i did EVERYTHING i could and more, and yet still could not deliver my baby naturally because of my spinal fusion. it was not meant to be, but she was delivered successfully via c section and that is just what happened. in the end it doesn’t matter how she arrived, all i care about is that she’s healthy. that. is. all.
i beat myself up about it for a while. i sat there in self pity for a while. but that all washed away as soon as i realized my baby is healthy and nobody, not i nor anyone else, should feel guilty for having a c section.
seriously, the fact that i felt guilty about it is ridiculous! it doesn’t matter how you birth your baby. it really doesn’t’. all that matters is that he or she gets here in the best way possible. the best way that works for you. our bodies are special and unique. i was built for surgery. some people are not. i recovered very well from my surgery and did much better than i thought i would. it was not bad at all, all things considered.
now my sweet baby girl is here in the world and the world is all-things-baby.
i totally get how some moms go crazy, there are so many ups and downs. at the end of the day the hardest yet most blissful thing i’ve ever done. i’m so honored and proud to be Lulu’s momma.
i’ll talk about life post partum in the next post….
if you’ve had a baby, how was your pregnancy?
if you haven’t, what are your thoughts on pregnancy?