To Nourish

i haven’t talked about food or eating in a while, but considering it’s something i engage in and partake in several times per day, i figured it’d be appropriate to share some thoughts/reflections i’ve been having lately.

what does nourish mean?

well, it’s a verb and naturally requires action. technically it means to ‘provide someone with food and other healthy things in order to live‘ but for me it means much more.

my relationship and thoughts on food have evolved immensely in the past few months. i suppose it might have something to do with the fact that i’m not just nourishing myself, but i’m also nourishing a growing human. SNAP. reality check much? yeah when the magnitude of that concept sunk in, i was like, ” whoa, holy……..shit. this is fo real.”

i sound like a gangster surfer dude 15% of the time in my head, sometimes aloud.

anyhow, the realization that everything i’m doing and ingesting is having a direct effect on this growing life inside me rattled me in great ways. to say the least. it caused me to release ALL food fears i had and go into a deep, zen-like place, and ask myself what does my body need?

my body answered:

real food

tasty food

nutrient dense food

variety

joyous eating experiences

spice

flavor

quality

LOVE

this last thing is the most important. love in all things i eat is at the forefront. at least that’s my intention.

when i nourish myself, i do it lovingly. i make sure i’m honoring my body and my soul. sometimes that means i want lots of veggies drowning in olive oil or butter; sometimes it means i want a giant plate of ribs; sometimes it means i want a pizza with nothing but tomatoes and garlic. whatever it means i do my best to listen within, and kick fears out the door.

when i nourish myself, i love to gather with family and friends whenever we can and enjoy great feasts. i love to be surrounded by laughter and food, i can’t think of a better way to nourish and feast. food for the soul.

when i nourish my soul, i feed it art and culture; i feed my soul with nature; i feed my soul with bubble baths and lovely smells like cinnamon or vanilla.

when i need to nourish my body, i give it sunshine and walks with friends; i give it fun exercise classes to be around other people; i give it play time with the pups in a nice park, sitting on the grass; i give it naps.

i’ve discovered there are many ways to nourish, and i have enjoyed exploring all of them. lovingly. this is how i want my daughter to feel about nourishing herself.

most of all, i want to water and nourish this growing seed in my belly with love. that’s what it means to me to truly nourish myself. love. love myself, love others, love what’s happening right here and now, whatever that may be.

how do you nourish yourself? 

Week in Review: The Joyful Happies

As Meghan pointed out last week in her WIR, 3/20 was International Day of Happiness. Who knew?

New-Intl-Day-Happiness

I honestly had no idea such thing existed, but then again am not surprised considering we have a day for everything it seems… Donut Day, Pizza Day, Coffee Day, Secretary’s Day, Boss’s Day, Sandwich Day… where does it end? I’m not objecting to any of it, it’s great to keep the greeting card companies in business. SURE. International Day of Bacon doesn’t bother me at all.

Excuse my cynical tangent, back to the point. Oh shit, yeah I’m talking about last week, my Week of Joyful Happies. I just made up that word, ‘happies’ and don’t give a damn about grammar. I’m doing ME, thank you very much. Wise words from a wise woman 🙂

In case you want to link up your week of Joyful Happies, check out Meg and her linkup here.

Week-In-Review-Button-Final

So, Joyful Happies. Like I was saying, Sunday 3/20 was International Day of Happiness, so in the spirit of this I’m going to list something joyfully happy from each day of the week. There, I can break away from my cynical comfort zone momentarily and express utter gratitude. After all, there is always something to be grateful for… every single moment. I don’t give a shit if you’re homeless and under a freeway. If you’re not dead, you have something you should be grateful for. So, in that sense I have a shit ton of things to be grateful for. I’m quite far from being homeless and damn happy about it.

Monday:

I gave myself the morning off. Instead of attending my 3 hour sewing class, I allowed myself to take a much needed nap. The dogs and I napped in bed for 2.5 hours, it was incredible. Joyful Happy Moment #1

Tuesday:

I skipped painting to volunteer at a kid’s spring break writing workshop at Asia Society – it was soooooooooooo much fun to watch and be a part of. I have never felt more gratitude or joy being a volunteer than helping these kids enjoy a writing workshop given by a real author, Melissa Williams. It was such a gratifying day. Joyful Happy Moment #2

Wednesday:

A great walk with friends, new and old. Taking a long walk with inspiring women of diverse backgrounds is always energizing on multiple levels. I’m deeply grateful to know some amazing women.

Dinner with my best friend – she lost her mother just 2 weekends ago, and this happened 2 weeks after her wedding. Being able to have dinner with her and bond was tremendous, it was a true gift. Friendships are priceless. Joyful Happy Moments #3 and #4

Thursday:

Spending the day volunteering at another kid’s spring break workshop at Asia Society, this time to help do a cooking demo and teach about Chinese Dumplings. The entire day flew by and I felt like I had answered my calling – helping to show some underprivileged kids and international families something special and new, and seeing their faces light up… working alongside a lovely Chinese woman that reminded me of my great grandmother… feeling like I was being of service.. Feeling useful, feeling happy. What an incredible honor. I can’t say enough about it! Joyful Happy Moment #5

Friday:
Seeing my old chiropractor and feeling so good about how far I’ve come since we last saw each other. Last time I saw her I was physically beaten up with injuries and stress fractures, and she was horrified when she saw my spinal fusion X-rays, not being able to imagine how I’d been able to run and workout so much with full rods up and down. She did inspire me to pursue triathlon, and had it not been for her, I wouldn’t have met my husband, nor be sitting here now 25 weeks preggo.

Being able to appreciate my personal growth when it’s reflected in another person’s reaction is quite powerful. It felt really good to openly share my happiness and to receive it back. Joyful Happy Moment #6

Saturday:

Seeing my husband happy with his grad school peers – I met him and his classmates after their last session in the evening, and we enjoyed sitting outside. I loved watching him chat with his peers and look so animated and happy. It makes me happy seeing him passionate and excited. Nothing more to say 🙂 Joyful Happy Moment #7

Sunday:

The whole day was a big joyful happy: spin in the morning, then dim sum, then coffee with a great friend. The evening ended with hubby time and dinner at home with the fur babies. Life is good. Joyful Happy Moment #8,9,10,….. infinite

So that’s it, and again I didn’t manage to take photos of everything but here are some snapshots of some additional Joyful Happies: mostly my sweet fur babies, flowers along the bayou, and photos of our NEW TOWN HOUSE! yes, we move in next month. Oh joy, words can’t even express my delight.

sleeping buddy new patio new pad muffin sleeps joyful snuggles bayou walk

how was your week? 

greetings from hiatus homeland

i’ve been on a serious blogging hiatus… as if it wasn’t obvious, durrr-hurrr.

my intention was to return to blogging only AFTER i had come up with my new blog name and changed everything over… but since i finally accepted that it’s not going to happen anytime in the immediate future, i figured that i would just check in and say wha’ts up. updates on life, etc.

hold up, i feel the need to rewind a minute. a while back i was suffering from a blogging personality conundrum. i no longer felt that my blog represented me, but i mentioned i would keep my blog name since i do happen to like sriracha and fitness, blah-blah-blah.

well screw it, i was wrong.

ohhhhh sooooo wrong.

it just isn’t working for me! yes, thanks Dr. Phil. you helped me see the error of my ways.

i just simply can’t identify with my blog’s name any longer, and have felt that way for a long time. my own blog name needs to inspire me, right?

since i started blogging, which was not that long ago, a lot has changed in major ways. i don’t feel the need to write about recovery, that’s not really in my thoughts any longer. i used to spend my days reading recovery blogs, and i don’t do that anymore, either. other things in life have become more important to think about, and i just don’t spend my time wondering about why i do and eat whatever i do and eat any more. honestly, i feel healthy and in tune with my body… most of the time. i’m not perfect, but that was never my goal.

some harsh but lovely truths:

since shifting my focus away from recovery, recovery has actually gotten easier because i just sort of ‘do’ it. i work it, i make it work. i guess i recovered when i decided that there are more important things in life to think about than how badly i might have abused my body all those years and oh gosh what a total addict i was. so what. i don’t spend my days white knuckling life like i thought recovered addicts do – SORRY to my 12 step groups and all my overeater’s anon. peeps. that process and experience was fine for me in the beginning, but i definitely don’t believe my life will fall apart if i don’t attend a group meeting. everyone has a different path to success, i tried many routes. what worked for me was to engage in life and literally, LIVE.

people change, i changed. i knew that i wasn’t born an addict, i was simply born pure and like a blank canvas. like everyone else. we can choose to start over any time in our life, and i made the choice to start a new painting on my canvas. it’s been rather intense, beautiful, and sublime.

on to greener pastures… actually i might have lavender pastures.

eventually when i get around to creating my new blog and figure out my blog identity, i know it will be something that inspires me. i love to feel happy and live in gratitude.

gratitude has kept me feeling strong throughout this pregnancy and this cancer. my cancer is still there, hanging out on my thyroid. it must be a very nice thyroid, i’ll thake it as a compliment. luckily the mass has not grown. for this, i am JOYFUL.

i know that as a blogger you must think about your audience, and before i thought i wanted to reach out to other people struggling with demons or addictions. well, that’s changed so now i need to figure out who my audience is. women? new mom’s? people seeking joy? i’m seeking joy in every moment of life and work at finding the positive, so maybe something about that. i’m convinced that anyone can get through anything, there is always a bright side. i also love going after all the things i always wanted to do, like become spin certified, getting my real estate license, martial arts, cooking school, open and run a bakery, start a blog, own a home, travel on my own, create art, learn to sew, write, do an ironman (or two), run  a marathon…. life has no limits, the options are truly endless.

what’s been up? 

well, my baby girl is still growing and she’s a very active little monkey. i’m sitting at 25 weeks and feel different every day. i’m in awe of having this little thing move around so much in my belly!

baby name game:

my husband and i have been using this app, Any List, and created a list of baby names that we share. we are down to 16 names from our original list of 65. i call that major progress! we’re not deciding the baby’s name till she arrives though, i just can’t imagine name someone that i haven’t seen in real life before. i imagine we will narrow it down further but just see what she comes out looking like.

web detox:

i’ve been on a mini web detox, meaning i spend very little time on the internet these days. i’ll read my favorite handful of blogs, check emails and do some work. but that’s pretty much it.

volunteering:

i’ve become a volunteer for the Asia Society, Texas chapter. i’ll talk more about that in the upcoming WIR, but i pretty much love it. it’s such a great organization and they do a variety of great events. i love helping out with things that i love. love. love. love.

crafty stuff:

i’ve been seriously going after all sorts of crafty things – from collages, to painting, to sewing. i just felt the need to get away from the screen and instead reading about life, start actually living life. what a freakin concept.

house hunting: renter’s choice 

this has been my number one focus since the new year. we’ve been all over the place with house hunting. first we thought we ‘d buy, but now with the way the rental market and housing markets are, we decided that renting would be the best way to go. so we have spent the last several weeks figuring out what our living situation should be, meaning apartment? townhome? single family home? highrise? bungalow? WHAT NEIGHBORHOOD???? then i spent several weeks researching options in several different zipcodes. every single week i viewed around 10-20 properties. finally, we narrowed it down and last week we finally made our decision. after house hunting for 2 straight days, hard core, we found 3 places we love. i’ll keep you posted on which one we end up with. very excited…

spin certified and newly employed:

as of a few days ago, i am finally employed at 24 hour fitness as a cycle instructor! i started the process in february, and it has taken quite some time to go through all the training and auditioning. i still have an orientation to attend this weekend, and then i’ll be an official sub. i am not sure i can get my own class before the baby comes, but i certainly hope to be able to sub a class or 10!

well that’s enough updating for now, i’ll save some stuff for the upcoming WIR. sitting in front of a screen for too long is really exhausting, so if you’ll excuse me i have to get up and stretch my legs. and pee.